Breastfeeding only served to strengthen my awe of Mother Nature.  The fact that the human body can grow another human being is pretty impressive.  So is the ability to feed them with ZERO IMPACT to the environment and without spending a DIME.   When your baby needs more milk, your body simply makes it.  When your baby requires less, the body slows its production.  Not an unnecessary drop is produced or wasted. Totally amazing, isn’t it?  It is because of this amazing feat that I am surprised Mother Nature did not think to also deliver us one more set of arms with the baby. The extra arms would really come in handy and could simply go away again, like the milk, when we weaned the baby.  Who knows …maybe in a future evolution?

I have nursed three babies to whole milk and sippy cups. I am a big proponent of nursing. However, what I want to share with you today is not all the reasons why one should breastfeed.  Rather, I want to share some straight talk about some of the challenges many encounter when they first breastfeed.  Things you can’t see in all those sweet, peaceful pictures of mothers nursing their babies. My goal is most definitely not to dissuade you from breastfeeding.  But to let you know that you are not alone.  That mother who so sweetly sits nursing her baby in the picture. She had to get through some challenges first.

While breastfeeding is natural that does not mean it is necessarily instinctive.  Very few of us easily and naturally take to breastfeeding like a duck to water.  There are many things that trip us up along the way.  Many of them so powerful and intimating that many give up.

For instance, nothing feels natural about forcing this gigantic breast (somehow your boob has swelled to a size that is twice as large as your babies head) into your sweet baby’s tiny mouth trying to get them to latch on.  This sight and act alone can turn many off.  Trust me, even those of us who have enjoyed the benefits and bliss of breastfeeding moments will tell you that this is definitely not one of them.

Then there is the matter that you can’t see your baby actually getting anything.  A formula bottle gives you the confidence of actually seeing milk consumed.  As a breastfeeding mother you sometimes have to rely on the baby’s diapers and the soft spot on their head to help you know they are getting enough sustenance.  If a baby gets dehydrated their soft spot sinks.  As far as diapers go…you have to be getting something in, to be getting something out. It can be really hard to remain calm when you fear you are starving your baby.

There is also the uncomfortable pressure one may feel when an anxious husband or loved one asks…“Are you sure they are getting enough?”  “Why will the baby not latch on?” “Why is the baby crying or hungry again, you just fed them?” “Are you sure you are doing it right?”  And you think, “Hell if I know. Yesterday these were my breasts and today they are baby bottles that DID NOT COME WITH INSTRUCTIONS!”

Now having delivered and nursed three children, I have the gift of experience and hindsight. During the first night in the hospital when my third baby was born, I saw clearly how quickly and easily all these factors could add up and leave one believing breastfeeding was not going to work for them.  The nurse came into my room in the middle of the night to check on me and the baby.  She asked how I was doing.  I was honest.  I rolled my tired, sore, just-popped-a-baby-out-of-it body to nurse and calm my crying newborn on the other breast, YET AGAIN. I answered the nurse, “I am at the point where many new moms give up breastfeeding.” She smiled knowing exactly what I meant. She had probably seen that moment a million times.

In that moment (through the lens my experience and understanding gave me) I could see very clearly how this moment could easily push me away from nursing forever.  I was tired.  I was sore.  It had been a big 24 hours. The baby woke up fussing what seemed like every 15 minutes.  My husband was asleep on the couch and all I wanted was a little sleep too.  The fastest way to get it would have been to give the baby a bottle.  But my experience told me this is just the baby getting my milk to come in.  In a few hours we will all be sleeping and safely on the other side of this stage.  Had I been a new mother I may have opted for a bottle and the nursery.  Especially if I had more challenges like not being able to get the baby to latch on or not having a strong and calm support group.

So should you find yourself in a similar situation, know that you are not alone.  You are not some misfit mother who did not get the breastfeeding gene.  You are perfectly normal and this is precisely why they have lactation consultants at the hospital (notice when you are in the hospital how the lactation consultant is always busy…that is not because you are the only one who needs help) and support groups such as the Le Leche League. Lean on your support group and network.  Call in that lactation consultant, even if she was just there an hour ago.  Let them help you.  Reach out to your friends, family and colleagues who have gotten through these hurdles.  Trust me they will want to help.  While not a lactation specialist or trained individual, I am happy to offer my support and share from my experience.  Send me an email at gcovine@gmail.com and I will get back to you ASAP.  If you can push through these hurdles, very quickly you will be the mother in that picture sweetly and peacefully nursing their baby with ZERO IMPACT to the environment and without spending a DIME.

Happy World Breastfeeding Week!

Kids have a fabulous knack for providing a new perspective on almost everything.  Here are some amusing insights from my time with toddlers in the garden.

• Seeds – I had to laugh the other day when Nick tried to eat the seeds I was planting.  They were pumpkin seeds and I could easily see how understanding which seeds are for snacking vs. planting would be a little confusing for a child who may be younger than the seeds.  Soon enough he will recognize the smell and feel of butter and salt and that should help him differentiate the two.

• Balls vs. food  – Young Nicholas still cannot be convinced that these round things such as tomatoes, oranges, pomelo, etc. are not balls to be picked, played with and thrown whenever possible.  How wonderful it is to him to have this great place where balls grow on trees and come in all different sizes, colors and scents.

• Water barrels – Don’t get me wrong I love the water barrel too. I love how the fish come and greet me when I fill my can.  After this painfully dry spring, the sight of a full barrel is delightful.  However, when  Nick starts to splash and play or maybe take a drink or two if he is thirsty, all that goes through my mine is, “will his vaccinations protect him from waterborne diseases?”  Nick may not be getting too much yard time until he and I can work this out.

• Blooms – From Nick’s perspective…Oh they are so colorful and fragrant it makes you just want to pick every last one of them.  From my perspective, “Seriously!?!”  Then there is always the toddler temptation to eat colorful, fragrant blooms.

You can see how the garden would be a little heaven on earth for a child except for all the fuss and fighting he gets from mom about all of his favorites things. You can also see why I am not getting so much done in the yard these days and why there are so few blooming plants. Concentration is solely on the edibles until Nick works through a few of these habits.  I have had enough time on the phone with poison control to last me a while. This spring I joked that soon I would dial poison control and they would simply answer, “Hello Gretchen, it is a beautiful day, we were wondering when you might call. What did Nicholas eat today?”

Got a funny story about your little one in the garden?

THIS POST IS CO-AUTHORED By: Gretchen Covine & Cristi Comes
Nothing can break your heart or dampen your new-baby-bliss quite like signs of jealousy from your existing children. In fact, acting out by your older kids can sometimes be a trigger for PPD and other postpartum mood issues. So it’s definitely nothing to sneeze at.

This is such an important topic to discuss, because there are SO many challenges with bringing home subsequent children. It can really rock your world. But here’s where learning from other parents can be so helpful. There are tons of ideas to help make the transition easier.

So we wanted to share a few of ours, and hope you’ll share your ideas with us too.

Gretchen Covine, Mom of 3 boys ages 9, almost 7, and 19 months, EdenFeed
A friend recently had her second child and we were discussing the challenges of helping existing children with the transition.  Parents of multiple children (like us) know one thing for sure… no two children are alike.  A tactic that works with one child may not work with the next, so being prepared with a lot of ideas can be so helpful.

I think it’s important to note that a new baby brings enormous changes to the family, and everyone Mom, Dad, siblings (and even pets) will need a little adjustment time with the new family make-up. If you’re goal is shooting for a perfectly smooth and seamless transition, you may be setting yourself up for failure.  There are bumps along every new path.

Also, if you’re bringing a new baby home to a toddler, your toddler will still be a “toddler.” No matter how much you work with them through the new baby transition, the “terrible twos and threes” are still going to happen.  And if they haven’t started prior to baby, the new family addition may jump start it. It’s good to remember its normal for a toddler to act out and push the envelope. Be careful not to over associate these behaviors with the new baby.

For me, prepping my firstborn for the new baby started well before baby’s arrival.  As my belly grew I let Michael apply the “belly butter” I used to help avoid stretch marks on my belly.  We included him in the nursery preparation. As we pulled out his old baby clothes we talked with him about times he spent in certain outfits. He told us about his favorites and we put his favorite outfits in one drawer.  For the hospital we bought a gift from baby David to Michael for when he came to visit at the hospital.  We also made sure that Tony and I were not holding the baby when he first came into the hospital room.

After David was born we introduced “school,” a special spot in our home just for Michael to show him that growing offers cool things too like getting to do school assignments and crafts.  I would spend some time each day with him at “school”.  I did this both with and without David in my arms. But when I first started I tried to make it special Michael and me time. But ultimately it didn’t work out well to not include David, and Michael liked “school” enough that he was OK with David being there too.

I turned nursing time for David into Mikey and me chill down time. Michael chose books to read, the quiet activity to do, or the cartoon to watch and we would kind of snuggle or sit close during this time. Sometimes Mikey and I would make up stories to tell the baby together or play silly word games during this time.

Tony spent quite a bit of Mikey and Daddy time together to play catch, wrestle time, and go for a walk or ice cream with Daddy. Mommy and David would stay behind, “David was a baby and not big enough for these things yet.”

I also used things with the new baby as an opportunity to tell a story about Michael.  For instance, I might make up a story while dressing David about Michael wearing that outfit, and what we did that when he wore it as a baby or how Michael liked to be held or cuddled when he was this age.

Our friends and family participated in the transition by bringing gifts and treats for Michael when coming to visit baby David, playing with Michael while others held the baby and inviting Michael out on special “big boy expeditions.”

Cristi Comes, Mom of Ronin (almost 4 years) and Ellie (17 months), Motherhood Unadorned

For me, bringing home baby was a HUGE challenge. Ronin was incredibly shy, anxious and attached so we knew this was going to be an extra difficult transition for him.

He was always a terrible sleeper, and for all of his life, I handled the night time parenting during the week and John took over on the weekends. But we knew when Ellie arrived, my night time would be spent nursing and co-sleeping with E. So John took over the night time routine prior to Ellie’s arrival. A very difficult transition, but we hoped it would help him adjust to the fact that Mama was not with him at night, and not blame baby.

After I became pregnant, we bought him a baby doll of his own and started talking about the care and love of his own baby. My growing belly was too abstract for his 2-year-old mind to comprehend, so this was his introduction. We’d dress and feed the baby together, put the baby doll down for naps and spend time playing with the baby.

To ease his experience with us away for Ellie’s birth, my mom flew in from Florida and his Aunt Amber were both scheduled to stay with him over night. At this point, he had not spent much time with babysitters other than family, so we wanted to make sure he felt supported and was with people he truly loved and trusted. We had planned for John to go home and get him to come meet his sister for the first time in the hospital, so that his introduction to her would not be her invading his home. However, he unfortunately came down with a horrible Croop at the worst time possible, and could not come to the hospital.

The introduction was her invading his home, followed by his mama struggling to nurse his baby sister around the clock. John took a week off and my mom stayed for a few weeks, but he still felt incredibly jealous. He acted out, hitting and yelling, especially when I was nursing Ellie. He did NOT like this new addition. And I can tell you it’s the struggle of this time that truly pushed me into my own extra special bout of PPD.

I began asking friends for advice about what they had done to help with the transition, and got some wonderful feedback. One friend had a fun basket for her older child. It included special toys and books and activities that he could play with only while she was nursing. Another made nursing time snuggle and story time.

The best advice for me was to get out of the house as much as possible. I know it can be a challenge with two little ones but for me I found it the most helpful advice on a few levels. Ronin could get out and burn off his energy, whether at the park, playground, zoo, and museum or play area. Ellie could nap and nurse in my carrier, making her very happy. And while she was sleeping or nursing, I could focus my attention on Ronin, which he desperately needed. Lastly, it was good for me too. I was able to interact with other adults and get myself up and out of bed (my preferred location when depressed).

In the end, it’s important to do *something* to help your older siblings with the transition, and not expect that they’ll just get it and be happy with the new little one. Their whole life perspective is about to change, going from center of your universe to second place (in their little eyes, when baby is getting constant 24/7 attention). It is normal and it is natural.

What are your best tips & tricks for introducing baby and transitioning new baby into the family? Help a mother out and share what worked best for you.

Motherhood is challenging, but together, we’re not alone.

A couple of years ago I was reading a novel by Pearl Cleage called What Looks Like Crazy on An Ordinary Day. In this book on page 158 there is a list…

TEN THINGS EVERY FREE WOMAN SHOULD KNOW

1.      How to grow food and flowers

2.      How to prepare food nutritiously

3.      Self-defense

4.      Basic first aid/sex education and midwifery

5.      Child care (prenatal/early childhood development)

6.      Basic literacy/basic math/basic computer skills

7.      Defensive driving/map reading/basic auto and home repairs

8.      Household budget/money management

9.      Spiritual practice

10.   Physical fitness/health/hygiene

Skills are an important element of everyone’s livelihood and critical for creating a more self-sufficient or sustainable lifestyle.  So this list stood out to me then as quite reasonable and sensible.  At the time, I also noted that this list included many skills we were using regularly in our quest for a more sustainable lifestyle.  Since I read the book I have thought of this list several times and decided to check the book out at the library again and give the list another look.  In the book the list was created as part of the work a character in the novel was doing with young girls and mothers.  Rereading the list, I can’t help looking at it through the lenses of both my experience pursuing a more sustainable lifestyle and as parent trying to provide my children a solid foundation that will equip them to lead happy, fruitful futures.  From those two perspectives, I think the list is a great start to skills that everyone desiring a more self reliant and independent lifestyle should possess as well as skills we should pass along to our children so they can have as many options as possible in their future.

I love the scene in the movie Cold Mountain where Nicole Kidman’s character throws a little fit talking about all the things she knows but how poorly that knowledge equips her to work her land and feed herself.  Given how impossible it is to control what the future may hold for ourselves or our children I feel safer giving my children a diverse upbringing and foundation.

Here are a few things that I would add to the list above as we explore the skills we find important in creating our EdenFeed lifestyle and feel will give our children the best ability to create their own desired lifestyles (whatever they may be) in the future.

I would add to the following skills to the above list…

• Good manners
• How to be easy to teach
• Ability to entertain oneself
• Preserving and storing food and herbs for off season use
• The ability to communicate and work well with others
• Basic understanding of one’s immediate environment
• Simple sewing
• Animal care and husbandry
• Fishing, gathering and hunting
• Basic survival skills
• The ability to laugh

You might look at my additions above and ask what does having good manners and being easy to teach have to do with the ability to live more sustainably.  I believe manners have a substantial impact on the way others perceive you…your education, your wealth or class, and your capability.  Demonstrating good manners helps people get farther in life both personally and professionally.  As far as being easy to teach, I have found that so much of a person’s education happens on the job and in the moment.  I am so grateful that I have had so many wonderful teachers in my life. Many of whom were not ‘teachers” per se, but took the time to share with me their knowledge and skills.

What would you add to the list of sustainable skills or important life skills everyone should possess?